Fault, Blame, and Friendship
by whoeverIamloves
Summary: (Written before the canon revealed some things; therefore slight AU because Rin is alive.) Kakashi always spends the anniversary of Obito's death drinking by himself, but when Rin drops by to share it with him, his perspective on his past has to change. Set during the 2 and a half years when Naruto is off training outside the village.


I found this on my computer after I thought I'd accidentally deleted it completely. I'm pretty happy to re-reveal this story for anyone who likes Kakashi and his inner heaviness. This occurs almost two years into the time-skip between Naruto and Shippuden.

I know maybe this doesn't quite match up with the cannon storyline, but I wanted to pretend. :) I hope you enjoy pretending with me.

* * *

**Fault, Blame, and Friendship**

* * *

Kakashi took a sip of hot sake. It didn't matter that the sun was just beginning to set.

Tonight was the one night of every year that he was completely unavailable to anyone who wanted to pester him, because it was on this day so many years ago that he had lost a teammate for the first time. He thought back to that day for the billionth time as he sat slouching at the bar.

It was his first mission as a Jounin. His team, consisting of himself, Obito, and Rin, had been assigned to sabotage a supply bridge from behind enemy lines. Their sensei, who later became the Fourth, was going to draw attention to the front lines in order to allow the team a better chance at success, with Kakashi as the newly appointed leader.

He had been proud. He was finally going to have the opportunity to show everyone how much better one could become by killing one's emotions. He had thought that when this mission went off without a hitch, other shinobi would recognize that he was stronger for his choices. They would also realize that he was nothing at all like his "incompetent" father.

He had been too sure of himself, though, and as a result, the enemy had been able to capture Rin. But instead of being a true team leader, he had been a total hard-ass (not to mention jackass) and forbidden Obito to rescue her until after the mission was complete. Of course Obito had rebelled and the two had split up with some pretty ruffled feathers between them, but discord was nothing new between them.

Nothing anyone had ever said before or since had affected him as much as Obito's words as he set off to rescue their teammate alone. _Those in the ninja world who break the rules and regulations are called trash…but…those who don't care about their companions are even worse trash._

Something in the conviction of Obito's voice had wrenched Kakashi's cold heart in that moment, and after arguing with himself for several minutes, he had followed Obito to rescue their captured teammate.

Working together, they had succeeded in rescuing Rin, but during the battle, Kakashi had lost his left eye. When one of the enemies had interrupted their escape with a rock slide in Kakashi's new blind spot, Obito had thrown Kakashi out of the way and been crushed himself.

Kakashi took another sip of sake.

As Obito laid dying with half of his body completely crushed and no hope of surviving, he had shown Kakashi for the first time that putting the lives of one's companions before the success of a mission was not cowardice. Instead, it occurred to him for the first time that having companions was vital to the success of a mission as each watched the others' backs.

And maybe, just maybe, emotions were more than 'unnecessary baggage'.

Unfortunately, Kakashi had also seen that his own stubbornness had driven Obito to act carelessly in a situation he wasn't prepared for. If Kakashi had gone along with him from the beginning, they could have made a plan, but flying by the seat of their pants had resulted in accidents, which had in turn resulted in the death of a teammate on Kakashi's first mission as a captain and a Jounin.

Taking another sip, Kakashi let out a sigh laden with regret. He visualized each of his old teammates in turn.

First, there was Konoha's Yellow Flash, Minato-sensei. He would later become the Yondaime Hokage, and would eventually sacrifice himself to save Konoha from the demon fox.

He had been an incredible team leader for the three young ninjas. He always seemed to know what to say to each one at exactly the right time, and this skill had kept Obito and Kakashi from killing each other on many occasions.

Kakashi smirked under his mask. In reality, the peacekeeping skills of their sensei had stopped Kakashi from killing Obito many times. Obito wouldn't have stood much of a chance.

Then there was Rin.

Rin was the medical ninja of the group, and her impressive skill in that area alone had earned her the title of Chuunin. Unfortunately, that was her main area of expertise, and since the other areas had been a bit lacking, she had often been instructed to stay out of the way in battles. She had a couple of tricks up her sleeve, but if she was fighting anyone of a higher level than an advanced Gennin, she wasn't guaranteed to win.

Kakashi hadn't seen much of her after that mission had been completed, because when they returned to Konoha, their sensei had become Hokage and the team was disbanded. Kakashi himself had joined ANBU, and he later heard rumors that Rin had done the same. He passed her on the street occasionally, but at least one of them was always in a hurry.

The only time he had spoken to her was around the Third's funeral. He had gone to visit the memorial stone in the training grounds, and she had shown up with a bouquet of flowers. He could only assume it was for one of their comrades who had fallen in the most recent battle.

Only a few words had passed between them that day, but somehow they had held the weight of long apologies and memories better left forgotten.

He took another sip of sake.

That was a funny thing about the brief interaction with Rin that day. There had been no pretense, no false happy faces, and surprisingly to him, no hurtful accusations. When he had asked if her flowers were for the recently KIA Hiyate, she had answered with silence as she finally moved forward to lay them reverently on the memorial stone. As he always did when things got awkward or too heavy, Kakashi had started to leave. She had stopped him.

'Kakashi-senpai, did you come here for Obito-san?' she had asked.

That had stopped him in his tracks, and even though he hadn't flinched, in that moment he had known.

Known that she knew how much he blamed himself, and he hadn't realized until she said that how much he had desperately needed her to acknowledge it. That's why he had made no pretense of lightheartedness. He just didn't have the strength to pretend. Not with her.

He had needed to show her that he wasn't the cold, calculating, uncaring bastard she had served beside for years and served under for one horribly screwed-up mission. That he wasn't the ungrateful little would-be war-machine that she had fixed so many times.

She had chastised him mildly for making excuses for his adopted habit of tardiness, but not for the fact that he blamed himself. It was almost like she understood that it might break him if she tried to convince him not to visit the memorial so much. He figured that was why she didn't tell him not to waste time at the memorial –only to do it earlier.

That, and the fact that she was also at the memorial right then, reminding him needlessly that she also knew the pain of loss.

When she had told him he should come earlier, several responses flashed themselves through his mind. He could tell her that it was none of her business anymore. He could tell her that maybe she should visit now and then to help keep their friend's memory alive. He could tell her that he felt like he should be here as much as possible to keep Obito's memory company, since Obito had sacrificed his own life for him.

He could have. He could have told her a lot of things in that eternity of a split second. But he didn't. He was too vulnerable to her, and he knew that she knew exactly why he had taken on some of the characteristics of his left eye's former owner.

She had always been good like that, even back when they were on the same team. She had rarely used the skill, but she could instinctually read people through any mask they might choose to wear. He had never been an exception. She had never said anything about it, because she had known it wouldn't accomplish anything except the breaking of their team if she had called his bluff in the emotional arena –or rather, in his supposed lack thereof.

Instead, he had broken their team when his stubbornness had gotten Obito killed.

He took another sip.

He had actually only guessed at her accuracy at reading people, and he had never confirmed it until the brief conversation at the memorial stone. She had somehow known exactly how to talk to him, even after not keeping in contact for so many years and they had both undoubtedly changed a great deal. She hadn't belittled him or yelled at him in an eruption of long-suppressed anger. Instead, she had known better than he had how badly he needed to tell her something and she had given him the opportunity on this perfectly dismal day.

That's why, when she told him that he should just come to the memorial earlier instead of being constantly late, out of all the responses that flooded into his mind, he settled on the barest, most vulnerable, and most honest one as he stood rooted in place, with their backs to each other as she knelt and prayed over the flowers she'd just delivered.

'I do…early in the mornings."

He didn't offer it as an excuse, and his voice was deceptively calm. He offered it instead as something for her to read into, to tell her that he would always regret certain attitudes and decisions. As something to show her that all these years later, he was no longer arrogant enough to pretend his emotions were dead. All these years later, and he would never forgive himself and would never ask for her forgiveness either for what had happened.

He hadn't seen her since that day, but somehow a strange weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It had surprised him to find out how much better he felt now that she knew he had actually learned something from that mission after all.

He hadn't had any desire to seek her out, though. As grateful as he was to her for giving him the opportunity he hadn't even known he needed, he figured that she probably still blamed him. She had always put her teammates before herself because she cared, even when it hurt her to care so much. Therefore, he figured the kindest thing he could do for her was continue their lack of contact.

Then there was Obito. This kid had managed to get on every last nerve, because he was the polar opposite of Kakashi in every way. He was emotional, constantly late, clumsy, brash, and rude.

Kakashi smirked under his mask. _Well, ok, maybe not polar opposites in _every_ way. I remember being pretty rude too, and a little brash sometimes._

Obito had only ever landed four punches on him. Three had occurred during sparring, when Rin and Obito had teamed up against him. It was closer to being an even match that way.

If there was one thing good he could say about Obito's fighting style, it was that he had creativity when he was in the right mindset for a match. He was constantly changing his tactics, and this strong point accounted for two of the punches while Rin had been providing a distraction with weapons. The third had occurred when he had surprised Kakashi by using the same move twice in a row for once.

The fourth was the only punch that had ever actually hurt. It had been on that mission, right after Kakashi had dismissed Rin's loyalty and friendship in healing her teammates as being "her duty."

That punch had damn near broken his jaw, but he never said anything to Rin about it. He had simply ignored the pain to say what he needed to say, but he had talked a little less over the next few days and kept his mask up constantly to hide the bruising. He didn't even pull his mask down when she performed the eye transplant at Obito's request, and when she had noticed him flinch as she moved to touch his face, she had made no indication that she knew the real reason.

Pain, he could deal with. He had always had a ridiculous tolerance for it, especially since his decision five years earlier to ignore everything other than the mission. But right at that moment, he wasn't ready to explain to her that the reason his jaw was black and blue was because he had been punched for giving the order to abandon her. Punched for giving that order to the person who had just given his life and his Sharingan to save both of them and to teach Kakashi the most important lesson of his life. And so he had flinched when he thought she was going to pull his mask down.

By the time the injury had healed on its own, they had already begun to fall out of contact.

He took another sip before refilling the small cup. He was in no hurry tonight.

Kakashi couldn't prevent his mind from dragging him where it went next. Although it had always unnerved him to think about it, there was no denying the similarities between his team back then and the three young gennins he had been assigned to mentor.

Everything was the same about the two teams, from individual comparisons to group dynamics.

First on his new team, there was Sasuke. Kakashi had always seen something of himself in the young Uchiha, but it was deeper than just the Sharingan they had in common or the position of being the 'strongest ninja' on the team. Before he left, Sasuke had possessed the same cold, hard drive that he had seen in the mirror so many times when he was younger.

In Sasuke's eyes, Kakashi could see the same hatred of the one person that had stolen everything precious. For the older shinobi, he had believed it was his father, because his father had killed the one person Kakashi had loved and respected more than anyone: he had committed suicide. For Sasuke, it was his older brother, who had killed everyone that Sasuke had loved and respected.

It really wasn't such a stretch for the copy ninja to see a much younger version of himself in the young Sharingan user, even if the two looked nothing alike. Perhaps that was the reason Kakashi had tried to take Sasuke under his wing more than the other two –because if he could teach Sasuke the value of compassion, perhaps the younger ninja would be spared a great deal of heartache and regret when all his cold hard fervor came back to bite him in the ass.

He took yet another sip of sake and sighed.

_So much for that. If I did manage to soften him any, it'll do more harm than good now that he's working for Orochimaru. Here's hoping he can remain focused on his only goal so that twisted snake can't twist Sasuke's mind._

It occurred to Kakashi that he had only learned the value of compassion from his annoying teammate, just before he was killed. If there was anything at all he could do to prevent the same destruction from coming to his new team, he would do it, but somehow he had a feeling that the only person who could really teach Sasuke the lesson was Naruto.

Then there was Sakura. Innocent, intelligent, love-struck little Sakura. Of course, he didn't think of her that way anymore, but for the first year or so after the formation of Team 7, she had only barely managed to keep from being a burden to her two peers. Any time Kakashi gave the team training exercises, she had mastered them easily, even if her strength and stamina were comparatively lacking. And he still didn't know if she was completely over her infatuation with Sasuke, though she didn't appear to be pining for him as much now that he had disappeared.

Sakura's resemblance was to Rin.

Sure, there was the obvious fact that both had been the only females on their respective teams. But aside from her medical uses, Rin had often only barely managed to pull her own weight on the team. Kakashi had never been sure, but he thought she had had a crush on him. That was one primary difference between the two kunoichi, he supposed. Rin had managed to keep her romantic feelings, whatever they were, relatively subdued.

Sakura, like Rin, had been the link between her two male teammates. She was often quiet and composed, though it obviously made her uncomfortable when the boys were at each other's throats. She could usually convince them to at least ignore each other.

Sakura didn't look as un-similar to Rin as Sasuke to Kakashi. Both were fairly petite with round, pretty faces and exotically colored hair. Whereas Sakura's hair shared the pink color of her namesake flower, Rin's had been a brown that was almost purple. _Rin's hair IS that color. She's not dead yet._

Another sip.

When Kakashi heard that Sakura was training to become a medical ninja, he hadn't been sure whether it was strictly a coincidence or if fate was against him. He seriously doubted that Sakura had any clue about his former female teammate, so she had probably never figured out why the news had made him uncomfortable enough to vanish suddenly with only a "see ya later!"

She had no way of knowing that in that instant, her face had transformed into the young version of Rin. Rin, who had saved his own life and Obito's so many times, only for him to come along and let her efforts go to waste by getting Obito killed. Rin, who probably still hated him, and if she didn't, probably should. Rin, who never spoke to him anymore (save for the day of the Third's funeral) so that it was almost like she had died.

Another major difference between Sakura and Rin was that he still kept in contact with Sakura. He didn't really talk to her on a routine basis, but he'd be damned if he abandoned the relationship with the only remaining member of either team that still spoke to him. While it was true that he had other friends around the village, none of them were his team and that was a pivotal point for him.

In the back of his mind, he knew that Naruto would probably be constantly underfoot if he was still in town. However, that wasn't the case, so for now Sakura was all he really had in the way of a team during this two-and-a-half year expanse. He was proud to be able to say that he remembered her birthday both times it came around, and he had gotten her a small (but useful) present for her promotion to Chuunin.

Between her training with Tsunade-sama and her shifts at the hospital, it was rare that Sakura had much time to relax, and when she did, she could often be found with her peers or her family. Somehow, though, she seemed to sense that she mattered to him even if she couldn't pinpoint the reason, so she usually managed to find a couple of hours a week to spend with him whenever he wasn't out on a solo mission or in the hospital recovering from one. When the latter was the case, she would stop by often to check on him.

Kakashi liked those couple of hours, and as one year became two, she was becoming as much a friend as a student. Sometimes they would go for ramen or tea; sometimes she would ask for some form of small training exercise to keep her on her toes. Kakashi doubted that she really needed it, considering how tough he knew the Hokage was on her, but he always found some little trick or tactic to show her.

Granted, what little time he shared with Sakura wasn't much, but it was enough to keep him from feeling like he'd lost every team member he ever had, even if he never would admit his vulnerability as a team leader to Sakura.

That closeness was something he had never had with Rin, though he supposed it would have been completely different with the brown-purple-haired kunoichi due to their former status as peers, as he might have been tempted to hit on her eventually.

_Not likely to have happened. But it could have crossed my mind._

Finally, there was Naruto. The clueless blond ball of energy and emotion. The "Number One Ninja at Surprising People."

Naruto was as emotional as Obito used to be, except that Naruto focused his emotion into anger and determination. Obito, on the other hand, had never outgrown the crybaby phase until the day he died. There was something uncanny about Naruto's resemblance to Obito, from the goggles (even though Naruto hadn't worn them since graduating, Kakashi had seen pictures), to the orange and blue outfit, to the punches that could only hurt when he was focused on his emotions instead of technique.

At the end, just before Obito had killed one of the two enemies in that particular battle, he had shown the same level of determination that Naruto always seemed to display. When Naruto had first been assigned to Kakashi, there was no way he could look at the young misfit without seeing that particular image of his old teammate. He had hidden it well, but he could never completely shut out the resemblance between the two.

Kakashi took another swig of sake.

Then again, he had also never been able to completely shut out the physical resemblance between Naruto and the Fourth, but that was easier to shove aside during the heat of battle. Naruto's bad habit of direct and emotional advances when things were beginning to get hot on the battlefield had made Kakashi wince many times, and because of this resemblance to Obito, Kakashi didn't often pause to compare his physical resemblance to the Yellow Flash. It was no mystery, after all…

"Your father's knife."

He almost jumped out of his skin when the female voice interrupted him, but his ninja instincts reduced the visible change to a slight stiffening of his shoulders. He knew instantly who it was because only one person in the world had that knowledge, combined with that voice and chakra signature. Her smell had changed, but that happens when people grow up.

The knife she was referring to was a round-handled dagger strapped to his right thigh tonight along with his shiruken holster. It was the one he used to wear strapped to his back, but he had long since outgrown the leather strap-style holster that held it there. It was the weapon that used to belong to his father, Konoha's White Fang.

She had seen it on his back many times, but he had never told anyone that it held any meaning for him other than as a weapon. At least, he had never told anyone until the day Obito's lesson had made it through his thick skull, and he had referred to it as 'a memento of my father' as he used it to attack the enemy and defend his teammates.

He didn't turn his head to look at her as she claimed the bar stool to his right. She ordered sake for herself, and the two sat in silence.

With his peripheral vision, Kakashi could see that she looked much different from the day at the memorial stone. That day, she had been wearing the same black kimono as everyone else, and her hair had been down and face clean out of traditional respect for the dead. Tonight, though, she was a different sight completely.

Her long purple-brown hair was pulled into a ponytail. Her ANBU mask had apparently been pocketed, and the familiar purple stripes on each of her cheeks were painted in place. She was wearing the standard ANBU uniform, from the sleeveless tight black garment to the armored white chest and back plates and arm-guards. His peripheral vision couldn't see below those, but he assumed she was also wearing the standard black pants of all ANBU members. He also assumed there was a tattoo on her upper right arm, which was the side that he couldn't see.

Finally she broke the silence that had been building.

"I haven't seen you wear that weapon in a long time."

He allowed the silence to stretch on for a second or two, but it wasn't particularly awkward. She was the only person he would ever consider drinking with on this anniversary, and he figured she knew it or she wouldn't have invited herself.

"I know." He took another sip of sake as hers arrived, and then he turned to face her for the first time tonight. She nodded her thanks to the bartender and Kakashi made no attempt to hide his gaze as it swept over her. "You look different."

"I got older." There was no chastising or ironic tone behind the statement. If anything, he thought he saw a faint smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

Kakashi smiled softly under his mask at her smart-ass reply, but in the back of his mind he was still surprised that she had joined him, not to mention confused as hell about the reason. Shouldn't she still hate him, despite their conversation over the stone?

Whatever her reasons, she would get around to them when she was ready. Until then, she apparently wanted to catch up. He didn't feel like he had the right to refuse after all he'd put her through back then, and as much as he wanted to deny it, it felt good to have her sitting beside him again. Maybe, just maybe, her presence might indicate that he wasn't such a screw-up of a team leader as he thought?

"I noticed. But I was actually referring to the uniform. ANBU suits you. I don't think I ever told you that."

His casual comment earned him a mildly surprised glance, but her voice gave nothing away.

"No, you didn't."

Another pause ensued as she took a sip of her drink, and he turned back to the bar. Again, it was Rin who broke the silence.

"So you always drink alone?"

"Only when I wear this knife."

She nodded. There was that instinct again, easily picking up on the fact that he only drank this way once a year, remembering Obito, the Fourth, and his father all on the same night. He just always chose the anniversary of Obito's death to do it.

"So why did you quit ANBU?"

Kakashi looked at her with mild surprise visible in his uncovered eye. It was a sudden change of subject, but there was no point in trying to lie to her even if he had wanted to.

"It wasn't for me. I could do the missions, but I guess I just got tired of having such a high turnover rate on my team."

"Not all teams have that, you know."

And there it was.

He drew in a slow, deep breath and closed his eyes. There was the cutting remark he'd waited so long to hear. The one that confirmed to him that he couldn't keep a team together, and plunged into his gut like a knife. It didn't matter if it was because he wasn't strong enough, or commanding enough, or worthy of enough respect. Whatever the reason, the fact remained that he wasn't good enough to gain the respect and loyalty of whatever team he commanded, and so they all left him in turn.

Rin continued, and he didn't turn to look at her out of fear that his body might betray him, revealing that he was about to break all over again.

"That's the trouble with some ANBU operatives. They don't have their priorities strait, so when a good commander comes along who actually cares about more than a mission, they think he's sheltering them too much and leave for a commander who doesn't give a damn."

_Wait. What?_

Kakashi was stunned. Had she just referred to him as a good commander? He slowly turned to blink at her, and he found her regarding him with one of the most intense looks she had ever given him. He knew she could see all his skepticism in the eye he was showing her.

"Beg pardon?"

She allowed him to linger in his confusion for several seconds before relenting, then finally sighed and shook her head. She took a sip of sake before speaking again with a softer tone.

"The reason you couldn't keep a constant team in ANBU. You always thought you were the problem, didn't you Senpai?"

Kakashi fixed his eye one her with a gaze that was intense and appraising. He was trying hard to read her, but over the years she seemed to have gotten much better at hiding her thoughts and intentions. Was she trying to screw with his head to get back at him, or was she going somewhere completely different with this?

She gave nothing away. Instead, she met his gaze confidently with one of her own, with an expression that seemed to say 'that wasn't a rhetorical question.'

Kakashi didn't flinch as he finally forced himself to admit his greatest insecurity to his former teammate. He didn't even break their eye-lock. Whatever she was going to say next was something he wasn't sure he wanted to hear, and he needed to pick up any non-verbal clues she might give whenever she finally made her point. His eye narrowed almost imperceptibly.

"Wasn't I?" It came out as more of a challenge than he meant for it to, but she seemed unfazed. In fact, he though he saw her brown eyes soften a tiny bit as she answered.

"No. The problem was your reputation. You had made such a reputation for yourself as the elite ninja who had rid himself of all emotions, that the only people who requested to be assigned to your team were the hard-asses who didn't give a damn about anything but the mission. The kind of person you used to be…before."

Realization was starting to dawn on Kakashi. She continued, softening the edge to her voice a little further.

"But you had changed, and they saw that and requested transfers. Rumors went around that you'd gone soft, but the academy was always pushing out more hard-asses that didn't believe the rumors, so they would request an assignment on your team. And the cycle would repeat. Tenzou was the only exception. He stayed on your team because he saw something in you. Something that said the change you'd made wasn't going to prevent you from accomplishing missions, and he was curious."

She paused for a moment. She lifted her hand toward him, and he continued to regard her carefully. She could see that he was trying to calculate whether she was trying to kick him while he was down, or if she was telling the truth. Her hand faltered for a split second.

He didn't miss it when her hand paused halfway to his cheek, and it was enough to show him that she was being sincere. His eye flicked to her hand before returning to her face, and his gaze became a little less intense. He swallowed.

Her hand continued on its path until it reached his mask-covered cheek until her palm rested lightly on the fabric, and he didn't release his visual hold on her.

"You never suspected?"

"Why are you here?" He wasn't prepared to believe that she really didn't hold a grudge against him, and he was going crazy not knowing whether she was sincere. The edge in his voice revealed all this to his former teammate.

Her thumb moved over the fabric ever-so-slightly, and it seemed to break him out of his thoughts. There was nothing romantic about the touch and it didn't linger, but the tenderness seemed to be enough to convince him the rest of the way that she wasn't just screwing with him. Even if he wasn't prepared yet to admit it to himself as her hand dropped back to her own lap, he could at least acknowledge the possibility that she was right.

"I'm here because I was walking by and saw you. I figured it was as good a time as any to catch up."

He turned back to the bar and took a sip of sake to collect his thoughts. He _had_ suspected what she'd just told him about the teams. But he had also dismissed the suspicion on account of his track record. This idea would definitely require some late-night thinking at some point in the near future, but it was the kind of thinking he did while staring up at his ceiling and listening to the crickets outside.

However, something else occurred to him that he needed to call her on.

"What kind of team leader did you request?"

She smiled, and he was surprised that she wasn't offended by the question. He waited for her explanation.

"One who was a good shinobi in every sense of the word, and who had never claimed to be anything but human."

A moment of silence passed between them. She took another sip of sake.

"If you're wondering why I didn't request to be on your team, there are several reasons. Besides the waiting list, I didn't want to be on a team that consisted of teammates like you used to be. By the time I could have transferred to your team if I had wanted to, I was pretty attached to my own."

"…teammates like I used to be…"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her sigh. There was that instinct she had about reading people like books. For now, he pushed it aside and changed the subject. She had called him a good leader, and she seemed sincere about not hating him anymore. Why not get back to lighter topics for a while?

"Think you'll ever get tired of ANBU?"

She smiled and seemed to relax. Another sip of sake for each of them.

"I might. It could be nice to end up with a new team of genins to teach, but they might drive me crazy after spending so much time on a team with my equals. Was it a hard transition for you?"

He surprised himself by relaxing a little more.

She was unexpectedly easy to talk to tonight, and he found himself telling her all about his new team. Everything from their strengths and weaknesses to their attitudes and aspirations. Some parts of their conversation were lighter, and they laughed, and some parts were a little heavier, and each listened with interest as the other talked about concerns, fears, and regrets regarding the teams they'd been part of since the break-up of the former Team Seven.

An hour and a half after she had joined him at the bar, each had downed a significant amount of sake but neither was any more than slightly buzzed. That was the advantage that came with taking only small sips at evenly spaced intervals, and on top of that, both seemed to have a fairly high alcohol tolerance.

Eventually and inevitably, the conversation came back around to the days when their team used to spar. Rin smiled as she recalled.

"Obito and I would team up against you, and you always won. You never ever let us even think we were getting close, unless Minato-sensei had told you to let us think we were doing pretty good."

"Sometimes you two did actually do pretty good. If you hadn't distracted me even a little with those weapons you were so fond of, Obito never would have gotten in any hits."

"Yeah, right. He got in a grand total of what, two? Three?"

_Four._

Kakashi looked at the sake in his hand, and his sudden mood change didn't escape Rin's keen observation.

"What is it?"

"I was a jackass."

She paused, following his gaze to his hands as she contemplated what to say. After a couple of seconds, she spoke in a solemn tone.

"Yeah, you were."

"That's why it was my fault, you know."

She frowned.

He wasn't sure if she knew that he was referring to the fourth punch and the events surrounding it, but he was certain she knew he was at least talking about his general attitude destroying their teamwork, which had gotten Obito killed.

"Kakashi."

He forced himself to look at her, and she continued.

"There's a difference between blame and fault. Blame is assigned. Fault is earned. You can blame yourself all you want if it makes you feel better, but it wasn't one specific person's fault."

She took another sip of sake.

"Circumstances were against us. As a team, we weren't ready to go so deep into enemy territory, but that's what we were assigned to do. If we hadn't run into those Hidden Rock Ninja, or if I hadn't been captured, or if you had been a little more caring, or if any number of things had gone differently, the outcome would have been different. Your attitude may have been a factor, and I don't mind telling you that I hated both you and myself for a while. But sometimes, there's nothing we can do about it except become better people and stronger shinobi."

There was wisdom in her words, and he knew it. He had tried to tell himself the same thing many times, but he just wasn't very convincing to the audience in the mirror.

Somehow, though, when he heard it from the teammate he had assumed still hated him and blamed him, it was a lot more convincing. He was nowhere near ready to let go of the guilt he still felt and he didn't ever really want to let go of it, but somehow, her words made it a little easier to carry.

Or a whole lot harder.

Kakashi figured that would have to be another topic for late-night thinking.

Rin put her hand on his wrist and snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Let's go."

"What?"

"Let's go. I want to see how much I've improved since I was a chuunin, and I want you to fight me. We'll go to the training grounds."

Kakashi was dumbstruck. Here was his former teammate, who used to stay quiet and out of the way during most fights, challenging him. He could tell it was a friendly challenge, but it was still completely out of the blue. He turned to regard her coolly, giving nothing away.

"You want to spar?"

Rin nodded, and he could see the mischief in her eyes that he had seen so many times when they were younger. This time, though, he didn't think any less of her for it.

"You've changed a lot since we were younger. You're not the timid little girl I used to roll my eyes at anymore."

"That Rin was pretty useless as anything but a medic. I'm stronger now than I was then, in every way. And I don't regret the change. I don't miss being timid."

He nodded as he considered.

Tonight was supposed to be the night he would drink alone for several hours before going home and lying on his back while staring blankly at the ceiling.

Somehow, tonight, his usual routine just seemed a little too self-pitying. As cheerful as Obito had always been, why shouldn't the night dedicated to his memory (among others) be spent doing something interesting with someone he had cared about very much?

An image of their sensei's bright encouraging expression flashed through his mind, seeming to tell him to go for it. That was the last push the copy ninja needed. He nodded his consent and put some money on the bar, and Rin followed suit.

There seemed to be no need to discuss which training ground they were headed toward, and soon they found themselves at Training Ground 3.

They stood facing each other in the bright moonlight for a moment before Kakashi spoke.

"So…ground rules?"

She thought for a moment.

"I don't think it'd be a good idea to change the landscape here that much while we're both off-duty. And considering we've been drinking, molding a lot of chakra doesn't seem wise either. So no ninjutsu or genjutsu, but anything else goes. Taijutsu, traps, weapons."

"Full contact?" His visible eye revealed slight surprise at her boldness, and he wanted to make sure he hadn't misunderstood what she wanted. He had told his own students to use weapons against him many times, but he knew they weren't really a threat to him. Tonight, though, he had no idea how good his opponent was, and it was possible that one of them might actually get hurt. He was fairly certain of his ability to dodge anything she threw, but holding back on his own attacks would probably offend her.

"Yes. Neither of us is that drunk, and we're both advanced enough that getting hit is our own fault."

He nodded. If she was that confident, then he could see no reason to object. Besides, sparring etiquette frowned on dealing deadly blows, so any injuries should be minor.

"Deal." He spread his feet to shoulder width and appeared to relax a little. She didn't move yet. "Shall we start?"

"Aren't you going to use the Sharingan?"

Kakashi blinked. "I hadn't planned to."

She gestured to the ANBU tattoo on her right arm and gave him a pointed look. "Don't you think you'll need it?"

Another pause stretched out for a couple of seconds before he replied.

"Probably, but it just seems like an unfair advantage against you, of all people."

He saw her eyes narrow, but it wasn't in anger. Yet.

"Don't underestimate me. I'm much better than I used to be, and I'll be offended if you let me win." She paused for a breath, and then her voice took on a gentler sound. "Besides, I want to see it. I put it there, so I think you owe me at least that much."

He sighed as he raised his hand to lift his forehead protector and tilted his head to meet his hand. She was right…it was the least he could do.

He could see her gently holding her breath in anticipation, but he wasn't surprised. After all, she hadn't seen it since the day she had used her medical jutsu to do the transplant at Obito's request, and she was probably having trouble picturing him with anything other than his own two matching black eyes.

Slowly, he closed his eyes and lifted his hai-ate. Once it was out of the way, he opened both eyes and looked at her without bringing his face back up. He heard her let out a slow breath. After a moment of silent appraisal, she spoke.

"Why do you keep it covered all the time?"

"You know the answer to that." He finally lifted his head back to its usual position.

"I know a few reasons you might, but I want to hear you say it anyway."

"It's not my bloodline limit, so I can't make it dormant. Constantly looking through it drains me."

"Is that the only reason?"

He blinked again.

"It's also my ace in the hole."

Rin laughed softly, and Kakashi couldn't help a smile. True, it had once been a secret weapon before it made him infamous, but now it was listed under his strengths in every bingo book in the five great nations. Her gentle voice soon reached him again.

"So it doesn't have anything to do with not wanting to see it in the mirror?"

He sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight.

It was strange to look in the mirror and see mismatched eyes. Especially when one of them wasn't yours to begin with, and you only had it because someone close to you had died because of you and chosen to give it to you anyway.

"I still haven't gotten used to it."

She nodded, and he knew there was no need to explain the sentiment behind that statement. She stood there for a couple of moments just exploring the revealed half of his face with her eyes, taking in the appearance of the one red eye set strangely in the familiar (if slightly older) face of her former teammate, and the scar that she hadn't seen very many times. Kakashi figured it probably felt strange to her to know that she was the one who had made the mismatch possible, so he let her look at him until she was ready to begin their sparring match. He met her gaze evenly the whole time.

Finally her expression changed from curious and observant to mischievous and confident.

"So are you ready to start?"

He nodded his response, but didn't cover the Sharingan. If she wanted him to use it, then he would use it.

She started closing the distance between them. He watched her like a hawk with his deceptively apathetic expression.

She was heading toward his right side. The kunoichi stayed about two feet from him as she circled around behind him, and he turned his head casually to follow her but didn't move his body. She stopped when she was directly behind him.

"Go."

As soon as the word was out of her mouth, he dropped to the ground and kicked in a sweeping motion across the place she was standing. She jumped over his leg by doing a forward flip, which she ended with a kick that would have landed squarely on top of his right shoulder if he hadn't turned around and caught her foot.

Using his hold on her foot as leverage, she jumped up again and this time she catapulted herself over his head and caught his vest at the back of his neck. She apparently planned to pull him backwards with it, but he smoothly unzipped it and slipped out of it all in one smooth motion. When she realized what he had done, she tossed it aside.

Kakashi's observant gaze didn't miss the way her eyes quickly appraised his body, now that he was dressed in all black. Under the vest she had removed was a long-sleeved loose black t-shirt, and under that was his tight sleeveless one with the mask attached to it.

As he raced to make the next move before she could react to his escape, it occurred to him that she had gained incredible speed at some point over the years. It was definitely going to be a challenge to keep up with her taijustu, even for him.

"You've gotten a lot faster."

As soon as the garment fell from her hand, she launched a rapid series of strikes at his face, torso, and legs. He dodged some of them and blocked the rest.

"Did you still expect me to be as slow as I used to be?"

When he finally saw an opening in her attack, he took it. He caught her punch by the wrist and pulled her much closer to him, twisting her arm so that she had to turn around in the process. The result was that her back was pressed tightly to his chest with her own arm pulled uncomfortably around her body, and at some point he had drawn a kunai and was holding it at her throat. It occurred to him that he had never held her this close before, and it was a pity that the first time was in a fight, regardless of how friendly.

"No, I didn't. You wouldn't have that ANBU tattoo if you were still that slow. But at this speed, Yondaime-sensei would be proud."

In the next instant, he felt her shift against him and found that her free hand had produced a kunai from somewhere, and he could feel its blade pressed flat between them as she manipulated her arm between her back and his front. Somehow, she had gotten her hand and the weapon inside his looser shirt, and she was putting enough pressure on the flat side of the blade against his abdomen to clearly send the message that he was lucky this was a friendly spar.

Kakashi felt his muscles tense under her weapon in surprise, and she probably felt his heart skip a beat. He raised an eyebrow.

"Nice."

His intrigued expression changed to a smirk as he loosened his hold on her. She followed suit and relaxed the pressure of her own kunai a little.

He knew that she probably remembered how stingy he was with praise, but both compliments were well-deserved. He somehow suspected that any form of recognition from him would mean more to her than if it had been from anyone else, since he had regarded her as little more than a burden the whole time they'd been on the same team.

On the other hand, it did occur to him that she might not care what he thought anymore, since they hadn't really spent any time together since the mission he screwed up. The tone of the evening seemed to be in favor of the former possibility, though, so he didn't dwell on it.

She seemed to confirm that his first guess was the correct one by the subtle smile in her voice when she accepted both compliments with a single word.

"Thanks."

The tender moment only lasted for a fraction of a second though, and in the next instant she had escaped his loosened hold and was throwing a handful of shiruken from several yards away.

_Shit!_

His eyes went wide, and he dodged just in time. If he hadn't been using the Sharingan, he never would have seen them coming.

He narrowed his eyes. She had upped the ante, and it was time he matched her bet. He threw a handful of kunai in response as he landed from the dodge. She gracefully jumped out of the way, and he tripped on a wire trap as he started to run toward her.

_When the hell did she set that!? And how did I fall for it!? Damn sake._

He fell forward, and out of habit he twisted to land on his back in case she decided it was time to take the fight to the ground. She seemed to have a different plan, though, and he was back on his feet almost instantly. When he turned around to where she had been a second ago, there was nothing there but leaves in the wind.

She really had gotten faster.

He sniffed the air. She had apparently remembered that he had an excellent sense of smell, but she hadn't taken into account that she smelled rather strongly at the moment of cigarette smoke and sake from the bar they'd come from. He located her scent several yards away, hiding behind some bushes.

"Going downwind only works when you don't reek like a tavern."

He thought he heard her cuss softly, and he smirked again. He was having more fun with this than he had anticipated.

Suddenly she was charging straight at him with a kunai in each hand. He was a little surprised by the direct attack, but he countered it easily enough and for several minutes the only sounds that could be heard were clangs and thuds as each fought to gain the upper hand. She threw blow after blow from every possible angle, and every combo attack he could think of, and he matched her every strike with a block or a return strike. Neither was able to land anything on the other, though, and soon both were breathing hard. Rin's face was full of determination and vigor, and she was clearly feeling exhilarated at such an intense workout. Kakashi's respect for her grew by the second.

All of a sudden, Kakashi's eyes narrowed and his whole demeanor changed. A moment ago he had been enjoying the exhilaration of sparring with his vastly improved former teammate, but now he was suddenly in genuine defense mode.

Apparently the sudden change startled Rin into making a mistake, and he caught her wrist mid-strike just before the kunai in her hand would have sliced across his chest.

Without even thinking about it, he held up his other hand up to her in the familiar gesture of a team leader's signal to halt. Her eyes widened a little, but she didn't seem to be offended. Instead, she seemed to automatically respond the same way she would to her own team leader in the field. As soon as the signal was given, she was alert and seeking the source of his alarm.

His eyes were scanning the nearby tree-line, and instantly she felt it too.

They were being watched.

Her hand moved to the shiruken holster on her thigh and emerged with three of the small throwing blades tucked between her fingers. Her eyes followed his intense glare to the place their observer was apparently hiding, and she pulled her hand across her body in preparation to send the weapons flying.

Kakashi sniffed the air, and he noticed out of the corner of his eye that the ANBU operative seemed to be waiting for him to give an order to either attack or stand down. He made a mental note to ask her about it later, but for the time being, they had slipped into the working mindset of teammates where he was still the ranking shinobi.

_Cherry blossoms, vanilla, and…disinfectant?_ Only one person smelled like that, and Kakashi visibly relaxed. Apparently his genuine relax looked a little too much like his fighting stance though, because Rin's usual gift for reading people seemed to be overpowered by her adrenaline at the moment and she interpreted it as a signal to attack.

Kakashi caught her hand just before she let go. His grip wasn't harsh, but it was enough to get her attention. He shook his head subtly before letting go and turning back toward their observer.

"Sakura, I know I taught you better than to hide from me upwind."

The pink-haired medic ninja stood up from behind a bush wearing a sheepish smile.

"I know. I just wanted to make sure you recognized me if I didn't conceal my presence well enough."

Rin relaxed and put her shiruken away. She looked between Kakashi and Sakura as the young medic ninja made her way out from behind the bush.

Kakashi scratched the back of his head. This was a little awkward for him, and he wasn't really in a position to escape. Rin seemed to be waiting for him to say something, and Sakura looked like she might have a reason to be here. After a couple of seconds, he settled on the direct approach.

"Sakura, why were you spying on me?"

Sakura looked at Rin as she answered. Her expression was a mixture of suspicion and curiosity.

"I just finished my shift at the hospital, and I was looking for Shizune-san when I passed by and heard something. I was curious, and when I saw that you were fighting someone, I wanted to see if it was a friendly fight or if you needed backup."

Kakashi blinked, and Rin stifled a smile.

"Oh. Ah, Sakura, this is an old teammate of mine." He didn't announce her name because the real names of ANBU operatives were classified information. Sakura scrutinized the uniform for a moment, but apparently she was satisfied because she didn't challenge its legitimacy. She nodded and bowed with a pleasant 'nice to meet you'.

Kakashi turned to Rin. "This is Sakura. She was on my most recent team." Rin returned Sakura's polite greeting, and Kakashi turned back to Sakura.

"I appreciate your concern, but she's a friend of mine. I think Shizune is usually heading home from a workout at the Jounin facility about this time."

Sakura sized up Kakashi's opponent one last time. This time Kakashi noticed her glance between them a couple of times before her gaze came to rest on his discarded vest lying on the ground. Her eyes widened almost imperceptibly. She had probably noticed that both were breathing a little hard, and their faces were probably flushed.

_Great. She probably thinks we were…but we weren't. __His glance flicked over to his former teammate for a split second._

"Right. Kakashi-sensei, I have a couple of hours free tomorrow evening, if you're not busy…?"

His eyes revealed a friendly smile as he nodded that he would meet her as usual after her shift at the hospital, and Sakura bowed slightly more formally to Rin.

"Sorry to have interrupted you. It was nice to meet you, um, ANBU-san."

Rin gave her a gentle smile that seemed out of place coming from an ANBU operative.

"Don't worry about it."

Kakashi waved as Sakura made her way away from the training grounds. Once she was out of site, Rin turned to him.

"She seems like a good kid."

Kakashi nodded.

"She is. I told you she's training under Tsunade-sama right now, didn't I?"

"You did. You also told me she's going to be reassigned to your command as soon as the other one gets back from training with Jiraiya in a couple of months."

Kakashi nodded again.

"You'll be in good hands then if anything goes wrong."

He returned his full attention to Rin. "What do you mean?"

"She'll be the medic ninja on your team, and she's good."

His eyes must have betrayed his confusion about how Rin would know such a thing as Sakura's medical skill level, because she explained.

"Last month, Tsunade-sama got called away at the last minute from teaching a medical class for all the ANBU medics. She sent Sakura to teach it for her instead, and she really knew the material."

"…ah. What was the class on?"

She raised her eyebrow at him, but answered nonetheless.

"A new technique for emergency poison flushing." She paused. "It's also useful when the enemy has swallowed something important. Very painful either way. Sakura also demonstrated a variation of it as a method for resuscitating drowning victims…I tried that, but apparently it takes a little more practice than I have."

Kakashi raised his eyebrows a tiny bit, but said nothing. _Sounds pretty useful._

It crossed his mind that Rin seemed glad that he was going to have a skilled medic on his team, but he filed that information away with the rest of his fodder for late-night thinking before returning to the task at hand.

"Shall we continue?"

She smiled and nodded quickly before lunging at him. He barely had time to register what was happening before catching her wrist, planting his other hand firmly on her hip, and flipping her gracefully over his head. She landed on her back with a thud, and he quickly moved to straddle her waist. He wasn't quick enough to pin her arms to her sides with his knees, though, so he had to catch her hands separately and pin them straight out.

It occurred to him that he had never noticed how pretty she was, especially with the moonlight making her face seem to glow as she struggled to free her arms.

He relaxed slightly. His eyes revealed very little of his teasing grin, but she would almost certainly know it was there when he spoke.

"Now what?"

She quit struggling and gave him a sweet smile, and instantly he knew she was about to turn the tables on him. His eyes went wide for a split second before she kneed him hard in the lower back, and he rolled off her quickly.

_Damn, that hurt! I guess it serves me right for underestimating her._

As soon as she was free, she grabbed a single shiruken and threw it above the spot she had been hiding before Sakura's interruption. Kakashi instantly recognized the springing of a trap when he saw it, and he jumped to the side just in time to dodge several kunai that thudded into the ground where he had just been kneeling.

The one shiruken in the group that flew off in a different direction didn't escape the notice of his Sharingan, though, and his heart skipped a beat again as he jumped into the air to dodge the next barrage of flying weapons that had just been unleashed.

_A double trap! She's definitely improved more than I imagined._

He threw a handful of kunai in her direction as he jumped.

He may have been able to dodge both layers of the trap she'd set for him, but Rin wasn't idly standing by. As soon as his feet left the ground, she sent two fists full of shiruken hurdling at him. Even in midair he managed to twist out of their path, but one glanced off the front of his shoulder and blood began to wet his shirt.

She wasn't completely immune to his last counter-attack either. One of the kunai he had thrown appeared to graze her bare arm.

Once all attacks had settled, they seemed to reach a silent agreement that it was time for a break. She followed his lead as he headed toward the three posts several yards away in the center of the training ground, sliding his forehead protector back into its usual crooked position on the way.

As they walked, she raised her right hand to heal the cut on her left arm. By the time they reached the three posts, all evidence of the cut had vanished.

He sat down against the middle post, and his arm gave way a little too soon when he used it to stabilize himself as he sank to the ground. Apparently Rin noticed, because instead of sitting against one of the other posts, she knelt by his right side facing him.

He looked at her quizzically as she raised her hand to separate the slit in his shirt with her fingers. If she noticed his expression, she ignored it as she tried to inspect the three-inch wound her shiruken had left just under the end of his collarbone. He finally broke the silence since she apparently didn't plan to.

"It's not that bad, so I can just deal with it. My own fault for getting hit, remember?"

She dropped her hand and shifted into a more comfortable position, with her legs curled beside her instead of under her. Apparently, she was planning to be there for a few minutes. Once she was settled, she brought her eyes to meet his visible one, but she gave no verbal response. Instead, she brought her fingertips to rest high on his pectoral muscle, just below the cut. Her expression dared him to break eye contact, and the sentiment visible in his eye grew more confused as the seconds seemed to stretch into minutes.

Suddenly she applied a small amount of pressure on the muscle where her fingertips were resting, and he couldn't keep himself from wincing.

She raised her eyebrow and released the pressure.

"Not that bad? I say bullshit."

He slumped in defeat, and her expression softened. So did her tone.

"It's bleeding pretty badly. Off with the shirt."

He looked at her with mild surprise before complying, and he pulled the long-sleeved shirt over his head with only a little difficulty from the wound. He laid it on the ground beside him, leaving him in his pants and tight black masked undershirt.

When he turned back to look at her, he found her trying not to stare at his chest, abs, and arms. He smirked.

"You're not the only one who grew up, you know."

His statement seemed to shake her out of her daze, and she produced a clean cloth from some hidden pocket. She used it to soak up some of the blood that was obscuring her view of the cut as she replied.

"No kidding. You're not the scrawny little ball of fury I used to patch up." There was a smirk in her voice, and a slight undertone of awe as well.

As soon as she said it, Kakashi looked away from her. She seemed to have meant it pleasantly enough, but it was still a reminder that he had never been more than an arrogant teammate to her back then.

He assumed that she had noticed his mood change, but she continued to focus on her task. She had put the cloth on the ground beside her and now she was re-inspecting the cut by the moonlight. She pressed a different spot than she had a moment ago.

"Does that hurt?"

"A little." Her fingers moved to a different place.

"And this?"

"No."

"What about here?" She moved to right above the still-bleeding line.

He inhaled sharply, and that was all the answer she seemed to need. She flattened her hand out and let it rest on his chest as she nodded.

"It's deep, but it's clean. You would probably be ok until tomorrow if I just stopped the bleeding but I'll go ahead and heal it."

Kakashi looked at her. When he spoke, his voice was very soft.

"You don't have to do that, you know. It _is_ my own fault for getting hit."

He could see her debating with herself on whether she should just take command of the situation or let the wound stay there after all. After a couple of moments of intense staring at nothing, she lifted her eyes to meet his gaze. When she did, he saw more tenderness in them than he could ever remember seeing in her eyes before. She gave him a soft, genuine smile.

"I want to. For old time's sake."

_For all those times I sat there like a machine while she fixed me, and for all the times I never thanked her because I thought of it as her duty? Or for Obito, to remember what it was like when the three of us were on the same team?_ Whatever her reasons were for wanting to heal him, she had made the request and he couldn't bring himself to offer any further objections. He nodded and closed his eyes, and he could almost feel her smile as he leaned his head back against the wood post.

A pale green glow began to radiate from her hand, and she moved it over the wound.

"This may take a few minutes."

It was always a bit strange to be healed. Like another person was invading your body, but with a warmth that promised relief. The sensation of another person's chakra, especially healing chakra, almost felt like the after-burn of strong liquor. Not the swallowing burn, but the slow, spreading warmth in your cheeks when it hits your blood. After a brief moment of silence as she spread her chakra over his wound, he spoke without opening his eyes.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." There was a smile in her voice that seemed to know that he was thanking her for everything, not just the healing of tonight's injury.

More silence followed, but it was an easy silence. After a while, Kakashi remembered his mental note.

"So what was that about earlier?"

"What was what about?"

"When Sakura was spying, and you waited for my signal."

"Oh." He thought he saw the tint of her skin turn half a shade darker, but in the moonlight he couldn't be sure. "I guess it was just instinct. I'm still used to thinking that you outrank me, and it's still a good bet that you'll always be a stronger ninja than me."

"I wouldn't count on that." He knew she didn't quite believe him. "You've improved enough to actually give me a decent match tonight, and that's an accomplishment."

"I know. But I also know that if we hadn't ruled out ninjutsu and genjutsu, you'd still be handing me my ass like when we were younger."

Kakashi hid an amused grunt. She was right, but he _did also _have the advantage of the Sharingan. That had to tilt the odds against her a little.

"So why did you really stop and join me at the bar tonight?"

He felt her eyes dart up to his face before returning her focus to her hands. When she replied, her voice revealed nothing.

"I needed to."

He opened his eyes and studied her without moving his head.

"Care to elaborate a little?"

She shrugged.

"We hadn't really spoken since Obito died, except for the day of the Third's funeral. I guess I just needed to find out who you've become."

His gaze shifted away from her, but he didn't find anything particular to focus it on.

"And?"

She sighed.

"And, I found out that you've gotten stronger, and you've learned to balance your priorities between your teammates and your missions. Sakura cared about you enough to make sure you were okay earlier. That's all the proof I need that you've become a great team leader, and probably one of the best shinobi in Konoha to be friends with."

Kakashi felt his breath catch in his chest, and he swallowed hard. How long had he needed to hear that, and needed it from her of all people?

He felt something small and warm tap his arm. When his gaze returned to her, he saw a single tear silently rolling down her cheek to join the one that had just landed on his skin. Her eyes were closed, fighting back the rest.

The warm green glow dissipated from around her hand, and she used the one that wasn't resting on his chest to wipe the tear away. She knew she'd been caught crying.

Kakashi sat up.

"Rin…"

He saw her swallow and fight to regain her composure. He wasn't particularly experienced in this type of situation, but somehow his heart was telling him what he should do. Slowly, he leaned toward her and tentatively let his hand come to rest on her shoulder. She was still fighting back her tears, and he gently pulled her closer to him in a gesture he knew she probably wouldn't expect in a million years from him, of all people.

As soon as her cheek came to rest on his newly healed chest, she seemed to lose her inner battle. He heard nothing, but he felt her weeping into his chest. He wasn't sure of the exact reason she was crying, but given the situation and the history between them, something told him it was his fault, and the fact that she had perfected the ability to do it silently meant she'd had a lot of practice.

That realization hurt him more than any weapons she could have thrown at him earlier.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear as he uncertainly let his other hand rest on her head. "I'm sorry for everything I put you through back then, and I'm sorry I never took the time to actually see you for who you were."

His arms were tightening around her as much as he dared without hurting her. His fingers curled into her purple-brown hair.

"I'm sorry I let Obito die, and I'm sorry I couldn't let you stay with him until the very end."

His voice was barely louder than a whisper against her hair.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you after it happened."

His words were coming out in a choked whisper now.

"I'm sorry for the person I used to be. God, Rin, I'm so sorry!"

He felt her breath catch, and she shook her head. When she finally spoke again, her voice was a little unsteady, but she seemed to have regained her composure.

She sat back up and locked eyes with him.

"When I said I needed to know who you've become, that wasn't the whole truth."

Another pause followed.

"...then what else was it?"

She swallowed, and her damp eyes shone with a mixture of courage and uncertainty. He had seen eyes like that only a couple of times in his life, when someone was about to take a plunge into something they weren't certain they'd be able to walk away from. The type of plunge that has to be taken when one is past the point of no return, and forward is the only way left to go -regardless of the cost.

"I had to know whether you ever learned to feel anything other than guilt."

He was speechless. She continued with an explanation while he searched her eyes.

"Kakashi, even when I blamed you, I never quit caring about you deep down. Even back then, when we were on the same team, I secretly wanted you to acknowledge me. Eventually I accepted that we were both just faces in each others' pasts, and would never be anything more. So I moved on with my life. I worked hard to improve in every way, and I still may not be your equal on the battlefield, but I'm a hell of a lot closer, and I'm damn proud of the woman and the shinobi I've become."

As she spoke her voice had become more certain. She paused to take a breath, and Kakashi waited for her to continue. He was listening carefully to everything she said, and he could tell there was more that she wanted to tell him. After a moment of collecting her thoughts she continued in a softer voice.

"I could never quit caring about you, so tonight when I walked by the bar, and you were sitting there…I had to know."

"…and have you found the answer?"

The confidence her eyes had gained only seconds ago faltered. She looked like she might break their eye-lock at any moment, but he wasn't going to let her do that now. After all she'd done for him, the least he could do for her to would be to make sure she told him whatever it was that she needed to get off her chest.

After a couple of extremely intense seconds where the only sound was their breathing and heartbeats, the crickets, and the wind in the grass, she finally spoke.

"I want you to kiss me."

"…you want me to what?"

She lifted her chin a little, and some of the certainty returned to her eyes.

"I've been looking for the answer to that question all night. Hell, I've been looking for the answer since the Third's funeral. And the only way I'm going to find out is if you kiss me."

"…I…Rin, that's…are you sure that's what you want? What if it's the sake?"

It was a stupid question, and he knew it. He knew that she knew it was a stupid question, too, but his thoughts were reeling.

Sure, he had noticed that she had become a beautiful woman. And there wasn't any rule against it, since they were equals. But one kiss could change everything, and he wasn't sure he was prepared to deal with that. She had said it was the only way she could find the answer to her question, but what if she found the wrong answer?

What if he hadn't learned to feel anything other than guilt?

She interrupted his thinking.

"I'm sure, and it's not the sake."

He looked at her carefully. She was indeed very pretty, and her expression told him that she knew she wanted this. Maybe she even needed this. When he spoke again, his voice was barely more than a whisper.

"What if you find the wrong answer?"

She swallowed.

"I need to know. Please."

She had won. He knew there was no way he would be able to deny her, and he wanted to know the answer to that question too. It had never crossed his mind before, but when she had confessed her real reason for joining him at the bar, he realized it wasn't an unfounded concern.

He had been completely vulnerable to her all night and she hadn't abused it yet. Now might be the most important time of all to trust her and give her what she needed.

His hand slowly rose to his mask. He didn't break their eye contact as he moved closer to her, tugging the mask down as he moved.

Her eyes fell to the left side of his face. She had seen the triangular tattoo on his jaw-line when they were younger, but it had been a while and her eyes lingered. He remembered telling her it was his clan symbol the first time she had seen him without his mask.

He hadn't told her that it was also the reason he had started wearing a mask, but he figured that her incredible intuition had probably told her that. He had adopted the covering right after his father committed suicide. By the time he had quit being ashamed of his father, he had grown so accustomed to the mask that he felt naked without it.

Her delicate fingers moved to trace the arrangement of triangles along his jaw line before continuing upward to reveal his mismatched eye.

After removing the mask, his hand found its way to her neck. He searched her eyes for confirmation for a fraction of a second before closing the distance to her lips.

It was a light, chaste kiss and he felt her gasp faintly. He kept the pace slow and only moved enough to keep it from being a stagnant kiss. He could feel her relax and start to move with him, and when he gently offered her a little more pressure, it seemed to be what she wanted. As he caressed her lips with his own, his thumb caressed her cheek. She melted into him.

When he finally broke the kiss, her eyes opened instantly and followed him carefully as she waited for the answer to surface in her mind.

If he could have read her thoughts in that moment, he would have been overwhelmed by her relief and happiness: He cared about her. There had been guilt in his kiss, but more than that, there had been something that needed her to be okay for her own sake.

That was exactly what she needed to know.

After what seemed like an eternity of watching her scrutinize him as she replayed the kiss in her head, he finally saw her eyes close against moisture and a smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

There was his answer. Relief flooded into his mind, and he let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

She startled him by throwing her arms around his neck, and he haltingly wrapped his arms around her to return the hug. After several seconds in that position, she pulled away. She was still smiling.

He waited.

Finally her grin faded to a more serious expression that fell somewhere between resolved and nervous, and he saw her nibbling on her lower lip as if she still wasn't completely certain of her next move.

She whispered her next request as if she was aware that it might shatter everything they'd spent the evening building.

"Kiss me again."

Kakashi's exposed face took on a troubled expression. She probably noticed that he didn't move toward her, but he also didn't back away.

"Rin, one kiss had a purpose. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to kiss you again, but if I do, we both know it's going to be for a completely different reason."

"I know."

His stomach tightened. "I don't think I can be what you need me to be, and I don't want to hurt you again."

She frowned. "I haven't told you who I need you to be, and let me decide what's going to hurt me."

"…I'm listening, then."

She took a deep breath.

"I'm not asking you to be my knight in shining armor. I meant it when I said I'm damn proud of the kunoichi I've become, and I'm not about to give up that independence."

She paused to observe the effects of her words.

"I…I've been with a couple of men I thought I liked, but it just didn't feel right. Kakashi…you're the only one I've ever wanted. I know that sounds foolish, but it's true. And now you're right here in front of me, and I _know _now that you care about me. ...I'm not asking you for a relationship."

She paused again. He was regarding her with the same calculating nonchalance he had used earlier, which meant that he was hanging on her every word to find out where she was going with this. She had come too far to stop now.

"I'm also not asking you to be a friend, because to be completely honest, I'm not ready for a friendship with you after so many years with no contact. I'm just asking that tonight...you kiss me the way I've needed you to for so long."

He nodded. He didn't blame her for not wanting to commit to a friendship with him. While both had been completely vulnerable to the other tonight, it was still only one night. Friendship would mean a certain level of vulnerability on a regular basis, and that was more than either of them felt ready for.

He also understood that she wasn't ruling it out for the future, but what she needed tonight from him wasn't that friendship. It was a kiss.

His pulse was racing and he wanted to sweep her up and give her the kiss she had just asked for along with many more, but he had to clarify some things first. Hadn't he heard an underlying implication in her request...?

"And if a kiss isn't enough?"

"Whatever happens in the heat of the moment, I'm not afraid of it. Of you."

He took a slow breath and let it out. He had been right about what she was implying.

"And if tonight isn't enough?"

She smiled nervously.

"Then we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

He nodded as he turned the idea over in his head. He could kiss her tonight and see where it led. Most likely, if he did kiss her, there would be no stopping until things got way past intimate. She said she was open to that possibility tonight, and he wasn't particularly against it.

Intimidated?

Hell yes. But he had never been one to back down from a challenge, and he was surprised to realize how much he actually wanted her now that he'd seen the incredible kunoichi she had become.

On the other hand, he could pass on kissing her. This was probably a once in a lifetime chance though, and if he didn't give her what she needed tonight, there might never be another opportunity. He would hurt her by refusing, and he didn't really want to turn her down. After having no contact at all with her for so many years, what did he have to lose?

Only the chance to give her what she seemed to need so desperately, and the opportunity to finally be there for her after all these years in the only way she was willing to let him.

He nodded again, but this time it was a gesture that let her know he'd reached his decision.

For the second time tonight, he reached out toward her. She surprised him for what seemed like the hundredth time that night by leaning forward to copy his movement, and when her hand reached the back of his neck, she pulled him toward her.

He followed her lead, and she stopped pulling when he was a comfortable arm's length away from her.

"I do have one rule."

He raised an eyebrow.

"_Always_ kiss me as an equal. I don't want your sympathy or your protection."

With his Sharingan uncovered, he found himself drowning in the depth of her eyes as he sought the reason she was being so uncharacteristically forward tonight. That had never been her personality, and it was one part of her that he had been certain would never change.

As he held her in an eye-lock that seemed to have him hypnotized, her eyes seemed to elaborate. She didn't want his sympathy or protection, because she needed him to acknowledge her as a strong ninja and as someone worthy of a second glance.

The other thing he saw in her eyes hit him like a brick wall. How had he never known?

Touch.

Rin's strongest form of communication had always been through the sense of touch.

Suddenly everything made sense. This was the reason her hands had always lingered a couple of extra seconds after she healed a wound on one of her reckless teammates, and it was the reason her hand had simply rested on his chest earlier tonight. It was the reason she had gently touched his cheek earlier at the bar when she had left him feeling extremely vulnerable. It was the reason she had clutched Obito's hand at the very end, and it was Kakashi's hand outstretched toward her that had given her the courage to do what she must to survive at that moment. It was the reason she had only been able find the answer to her question in a kiss.

And it was the reason she needed him to touch her again. She needed to know that he hadn't completely forgotten about her after all these years, and touch was the only way she could be convinced of something she had such heavy doubts about.

Of course. That was the reason she was being so forward tonight. He had been right in thinking it was completely unlike her, because she never had been the type to throw herself at someone and she never would be. It was only tonight, and only with him, because she needed a deeper form of communication than words could provide.

He regarded her with a shocked expression for a moment as he weighed what he had just learned and what she had just said. As far as respecting her independence, that was something he could do. They were both shinobi, and both had their own lives. He had seen that she could certainly handle herself in a battle, so there was no reason for him to worry about her, and they had been enjoying each other's company as equals all evening.

If that was her only criteria, she couldn't have picked anything better.

"Kakashi?"

Her voice was unsure, and the familiar uncertainty snapped him out of his daze. He closed the distance between them, then stopped again when there was about an inch between them.

"That, I can do."

With that, he closed the last inch of space that separated them.

It was going to be an interesting night.


End file.
